Love Languages and Friendships
Love languages aren’t just for romantic relationships, they play a significant role in friendships too. Developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, the concept of love languages outlines five primary ways people express and experience love: words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, and gift giving. Understanding these love languages can deepen our friendships by helping us recognize how our friends give and receive love, and how we can do the same in return.
Each of us has unique ways of feeling appreciated, and knowing what resonates with your friends can help you build stronger, more intentional connections. Let’s explore these love languages and explore how they show up in friendships.
Words of Affirmation
For some people, hearing kind, encouraging, or thoughtful words is the ultimate way to feel loved. In friendships, this could look like sending a sweet text out of the blue, reminding a friend how much you value them, or cheering them on when they’re pursuing a goal.
How to show it in friendships:
Compliment your friend on their strengths or accomplishments.
Leave them a heartfelt voicemail or handwritten note.
Acknowledge their efforts and let them know you see and appreciate them.
How to notice it:
If your friend frequently tells you how much they care, praises your work, or sends encouraging messages, this may be their love language.
Acts of Service
For those who value actions over words, small gestures can speak volumes. Acts of service in friendships might include helping out when life gets busy, like running an errand for a stressed friend or cooking them a meal when they’re overwhelmed.
How to show it in friendships:
Offer to assist with something they’ve been putting off, like organizing or cleaning.
Help them study for an exam or prepare for a big presentation.
Surprise them by handling a small task that you know they’ve been dreading.
How to notice it:
If your friend often goes out of their way to help you or offers practical support, they might show love through acts of service.
Quality Time
For some, nothing feels more fulfilling than spending uninterrupted time together. Friends who value quality time thrive on shared experiences and genuine presence. It’s less about what you’re doing and more about being fully engaged and connected.
How to show it in friendships:
Plan a coffee date or a walk where you can catch up without distractions.
Schedule a regular time to hang out, whether it’s a movie night or a standing weekend brunch.
Listen intently when they share, putting your phone away to be fully present.
How to notice it:
If your friend prioritizes one on one hangouts or values activities where you’re both fully engaged, this could be their love language.
Physical Touch
Physical touch isn’t just about romantic gestures, it can be a powerful way to express love in friendships too. For some, a hug, a pat on the back, or even a playful nudge can convey warmth and care.
How to show it in friendships:
Give a warm hug when you greet or say goodbye.
Be open to physical closeness, like sitting shoulder to shoulder during a chat.
Offer comforting touches, like a hand squeeze, during emotional moments.
How to notice it:
If your friend frequently hugs you, touches your arm when they’re talking, or leans in for physical closeness, this might be their love language.
Gift Giving
Gift giving isn’t about extravagance; it’s about thoughtfulness. For those who value this love language, a small, meaningful token can be a reminder that they’re loved and thought of.
How to show it in friendships:
Pick up their favorite snack or drink when you’re out.
Give them a small gift that reminds you of an inside joke or shared memory.
Celebrate their milestones with something thoughtful, even if it’s handmade.
How to notice it:
If your friend frequently gives you little gifts, remembers your favorite things, or surprises you with thoughtful gestures, this could be their love language.
Bridging the Gaps in Friendships
Understanding love languages in friendships isn’t just about knowing how your friends express love, it’s also about recognizing what they need to feel appreciated. Some friends might value long conversations and shared experiences, while others might feel most loved through small acts of kindness.
When we don’t understand someone’s love language, we might unintentionally miss the mark. For example, a friend who thrives on words of affirmation may feel disconnected if your go to way of showing love is gift giving. Taking the time to learn what matters most to your friends helps strengthen your connection.
How to Discover Your Friend’s Love Language
Observe: Pay attention to how your friend interacts with you and others.
Ask: Sometimes the simplest way is to ask, “What makes you feel most appreciated?”
Experiment: Try different ways of showing love and notice what resonates most with them.
Celebrating Love in All Its Forms
Friendship is a unique kind of love, and understanding how we give and receive it makes our bonds stronger. By learning the love languages of the people in our lives, we create opportunities for deeper connection, trust, and joy. Whether it’s sharing a heartfelt compliment, planning an afternoon together, or offering practical help, the ways we show love reflect the care we have for one another.
True friendship is built on knowing and honoring each other’s needs. It’s not about grand gestures but about showing up with intention, thoughtfulness, and heart, whatever your love language may be.
