Letting Go of Approval: Redefining Your Voice and Power
From the time we are little, many of us are taught to seek approval:from parents, teachers, peers, and romantic partners. This framework often carries into adulthood, shaping how we interact with others and how we see ourselves. For women, the pressure to seek validation is compounded by cultural expectations to be agreeable, nurturing, and accommodating, even at the expense of our own needs and beliefs.
I once received advice from a female elder that I “needed to learn to bite my tongue, and that sometimes it would feel like my tongue was bleeding.” At the time, I thought this was wisdom. Learning to suppress my voice, no matter how much it hurt, to avoid conflict and keep the peace. But as I’ve grown, I’ve realized how damaging that advice was. It taught me to diminish myself, prioritize harmony over truth, and confuse silence with strength.
Here’s what I’ve come to understand: living for the approval of others keeps us small. It ties our worth to external validation and robs us of the power to define our own lives. Letting go of this need is a radical act of self love, and it’s essential for true freedom.
The Courage to Be Disliked
One book that deeply resonates with this idea is The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Drawing from Adlerian psychology, it explores how seeking approval and prioritizing harmony over authenticity can stifle our personal growth. The book emphasizes that freedom comes from releasing the fear of rejection and standing firm in our truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
This idea isn’t just about building confidence, it’s about radically restructuring how we view ourselves and our relationships. It’s a reminder that you don’t need everyone’s approval to live a meaningful life. You have the right to disagree, to take up space, and to define what fulfillment looks like for you.
Unlearning Generational Expectations
Many of the ideals women wrestle with today have deep roots in generational teachings. For decades—centuries even—women were told to sit down, stay quiet, and defer to those in power, often men. These expectations weren’t just societal; they were woven into family dynamics and passed down like heirlooms.
But times have changed, and we no longer have to live by the outdated script of being “seen but not heard.” If someone in your family, especially an elder, insists on perpetuating harmful ideals, you don’t have to accept it.
Standing Up Respectfully
Challenging an elder’s perspective doesn’t mean disrespect. It means honoring your own voice.
State Your Perspective Clearly: If someone dismisses your beliefs, calmly say, “I hear your point of view, but I see it differently.”
Call Out Misogyny Without Backlash: Use curiosity rather than confrontation. For example, “Why do you believe that’s a woman’s role?”
Set Boundaries: If the conversation becomes one-sided or hostile, it’s okay to say, “This doesn’t feel like a discussion anymore, and I need a moment to step away.”
Walking away isn’t weakness. It’s a declaration of self-worth. You don’t need to engage in debates that diminish your humanity.
The Anatomy of the Spirit and the Throat Chakra
Caroline Myss’s Anatomy of the Spirit dives deeply into how our physical and spiritual health are interconnected. The throat chakra, or the fifth chakra, is associated with communication, self expression, and truth. When this chakra is blocked, often by suppressing your voice or being silenced, it can manifest as physical and emotional ailments.
Signs of a Blocked Throat Chakra
Frequent sore throats, laryngitis, or thyroid issues.
Feelings of frustration from being unable to express yourself.
A constant fear of speaking up or being judged for your words.
By suppressing our truth, we not only silence our inner voice but also disrupt the natural energy flow in our bodies. Over time, this disconnection can lead to chronic stress, resentment, and even illness.
Healing the Throat Chakra
Speak Your Truth: Even in small, safe ways, practice sharing your thoughts without fear of judgment.
Creative Expression: Sing, write, or journal as a way to release suppressed emotions.
Affirmations: Use statements like, “My voice matters,” or “I communicate clearly and confidently.”
Physical Practices: Gentle neck stretches or yoga poses like Fish Pose can help release tension in the throat area.
Reclaiming Your Power in Family Dynamics
Family gatherings can be a breeding ground for unsolicited opinions, particularly about women’s choices. Whether it’s about your career, appearance, or relationships, it’s common to feel scrutinized.
How to Navigate Family Pressure
Prepare Ahead of Time: Anticipate potential triggers and rehearse your responses.
De-escalate Without Dismissing Yourself: Say, “That’s an interesting perspective, but I don’t feel the same way.”
Take Breaks: Go outside for fresh air, step away for a moment, or even journal in the bathroom if things feel overwhelming.
The Ripple Effect of Living Authentically
When you stop living for approval, you don’t just change your life, you inspire others to do the same. Your confidence in asserting boundaries, challenging harmful norms, and showing up as yourself sends a powerful message, especially to younger women.
For Yourself: Letting go of approval creates space for peace, creativity, and fulfillment.
For Others: When you live authentically, you give others permission to do the same.
You Are Your Own Person
Letting go of approval doesn’t mean abandoning respect or kindness. It means valuing yourself enough to know that your voice matters, your boundaries deserve respect, and your worth isn’t tied to anyone else’s opinion.
So, if someone’s ideals are being shoved down your throat, remember this: you have the power to challenge, the right to step away, and the strength to live life on your terms. The Courage to Be Disliked reminds us that approval doesn’t equal value, and Anatomy of the Spirit shows us how silence can manifest into dis-ease. The world needs more women unapologetically walking in their truth—and you’re part of that revolution.
By healing the wounds of silence and reclaiming your voice, you not only honor yourself but inspire others to do the same. It’s a ripple effect of empowerment, love, and unshakable strength.
