Practicing Self-Empathy: Letting Go of External Validation

It’s easy to get stuck measuring yourself by what others think of you—whether it's trying to meet career expectations, seeking approval in relationships, or chasing likes on social media. We’re conditioned to think our worth is tied to external achievements, but this constant pursuit of validation leaves us feeling drained, anxious, and disconnected from who we truly are. That’s where self-empathy comes in.

Self-empathy is about giving yourself the kindness and understanding you offer to others. It’s about acknowledging your emotions and needs without judgment, and realizing that you don’t have to prove anything to anyone to be worthy. You’re enough, just as you are. So how do you actually practice this in everyday life?

Check In With Yourself, Not Your Notifications

Think about it—how often do you post something and immediately start checking for likes and comments? It’s natural to seek validation, but relying on those notifications for a confidence boost can leave you feeling insecure when you don’t get the response you expect.

Example: The next time you post something, resist the urge to check your phone constantly. Ask yourself, *Why did I post this?* If it’s because you felt good about what you shared, remind yourself that *your own approval is enough.* Put your phone down, walk away, and focus on something that makes you feel fulfilled offline.

Set Boundaries With Confidence

Saying “yes” all the time, whether it’s to friends, family, or at work, can feel like the easiest way to keep people happy. But constantly putting others’ needs above your own leads to burnout and resentment. Setting boundaries is an act of self-empathy—it’s acknowledging that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

Example: If a friend asks for a favor but you’re already stretched thin, practice saying, “I’d love to help, but I need to take some time for myself right now.” You’re not letting anyone down by protecting your energy. Instead, you’re showing yourself the respect you deserve.

Stop Tying Your Worth to Your Achievements

Whether it’s at school, work, or in your personal life, it’s easy to feel like your value is tied to what you accomplish. You push yourself to meet impossible standards, thinking that if you’re successful enough, others will finally see your worth. But this mindset leaves little room for self-compassion when you fall short of perfection.

Example: After completing a big project or finishing an exam, instead of stressing about whether you’ll get top marks or praise, remind yourself that *your effort alone is something to be proud of*. Tell yourself, “I worked hard and that’s enough.” Celebrate the process, not just the result.

Release the Pressure to Fit Beauty Standards

Social media and the beauty industry have us constantly comparing ourselves to others, making it easy to feel like you’re not enough unless you look a certain way. But chasing perfection only feeds insecurity. Practicing self-empathy means embracing how you look right now and recognizing that your appearance doesn’t define your value.

Example: The next time you’re feeling critical about how you look, take a moment to appreciate your body for what it does for you, not how it looks. Maybe that means saying, “I love how strong my legs are for carrying me through the day,” or “I appreciate my skin for protecting me.” Start small, but build a habit of focusing on what your body does rather than how it compares to filtered images.

Rest Without Guilt

In a culture that glorifies being busy, it’s easy to feel guilty for taking a break. You may push yourself to keep going, thinking that rest is for when the work is done. But here’s the thing—self-empathy means recognizing when you’re tired and giving yourself permission to rest, guilt-free.

Example: If you’ve had a long day and feel like you should still keep going, give yourself permission to rest. Take a nap, watch a show, or spend time doing something that replenishes your energy. Tell yourself, “Rest is productive too, and I deserve it.” The more you prioritize rest, the more balanced and energized you’ll feel overall.

Practice Self-Compassion Every Day

Practicing self-empathy doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a daily choice to tune into what *you* need, without worrying about meeting others’ expectations or seeking approval. By validating yourself, setting boundaries, and giving yourself the care you deserve, you’ll start to feel more grounded in who you are, without needing to prove it to anyone else. You are enough, exactly as you are.