Removing the Splinter: The Inner Work That Changes Everything
I often talk about the importance of inner work here, and there’s a reason for that. When you feel good on the inside, it radiates outward in ways that no botox, filter, makeup, or trendy outfit ever could. True self esteem, confidence, and contentment can’t be faked, they’re felt. When someone struggles with their sense of self, it’s often visible, especially in their eyes. No amount of external enhancements can hide the inner turmoil. That’s why doing the inner work is so transformative.
When we commit to this process, something amazing happens: the external world begins to shift. Contentment replaces the exhausting chase for fleeting happiness. Let’s face it…life isn’t about being happy 100% of the time. That’s not realistic, nor is it sustainable. But finding a sense of grounded contentment and gratitude? That’s what lasts.
What Does It Mean to ‘Remove the Splinter’?
On my own journey, I’ve encountered a powerful concept called "removing the splinter." Think of the splinter as your triggers: the moments when your subconscious steps forward and sends your nervous system into overdrive. These triggers are like tiny shards lodged deep within, barely noticeable until something touches them. And when they’re touched, the pain feels sharp, immediate, and out of proportion to the situation.
Removing the splinter means facing these triggers head on. It’s not about avoiding them or pretending they don’t exist. Instead, it’s about identifying what’s causing the reaction, dismantling its power, and healing the wound that lies beneath.
How to Start Removing Your Splinters
The advice I received and continue to follow is simple but effective: when you feel triggered, jot it down immediately. It could be in a notes app on your phone, a journal, or even a scrap of paper. The key is to capture the moment before it slips away because the subconscious likes to retreat into the background just as quickly as it appears.
Here’s how you can take this practice further:
Write It Down
As soon as you feel triggered, note what happened and how it made you feel. Be specific. What was said or done? Why do you think it caused such a strong reaction? Writing gives you clarity and helps you connect dots you might otherwise miss.
Look for Patterns
Over time, you may notice recurring themes in your triggers. Are they tied to feelings of rejection? Abandonment? Control? These patterns are clues to the deeper wounds you carry.
Name the Trigger
Give your trigger a name or a label. For example, you might call it “fear of being left out” or “the need to feel in control.” Naming it takes away some of its power. It turns a faceless reaction into something you can work with.
Release the Energy
Tools like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), also known as tapping, can help calm both your body and mind. By tapping on specific acupressure points while acknowledging your trigger, you can reduce the intensity of your emotional response and start rewiring your nervous system.
Why It’s Worth the Work
When you address your triggers, you’re not just healing yourself, you’re changing how you experience the world. Triggers often distort reality, making situations feel more threatening or painful than they really are. By removing the splinter, you’re reclaiming your power.
You’ll find yourself reacting with more calm, making decisions with greater clarity, and connecting with others in a deeper, more authentic way. You’ll stop chasing external validation or happiness because you’ll find a sense of peace within yourself.
A Journey, Not a Destination
I won’t pretend that I have all the answers or that my journey is complete. Inner work is ongoing. There are days when I still feel triggered, and moments when I struggle to stay present. But every time I choose to face my splinters, I feel a little lighter and a little freer.
Life’s challenges may not disappear, but your relationship with them can change. And when you do the work to heal from within, the beauty of that healing radiates outward, transforming not just your life but the lives of those around you.
The question isn’t whether you have splinters. It’s whether you’re ready to remove them and step into a life of clarity, self awareness, and lasting contentment. The choice is yours.
